Yom Kippur Reflections

I have a strong dislike for blanket emails that says "if I've done anything to hurt you, please forgive me"....um, no - if you've done something to hurt me, I expect that you either know it (and actually want to apologize for it) or don't (in which case there is a problem with our relationship). Some people add a caveat to those emails and say "if I've done something to hurt you, please tell me so that I can make ammends" - that is significantly better, but still not sufficient.

I know who I have hurt - and I know who has hurt me. The Rabbis may or may not agree with me, but it is up to me to come to a place where I can decide to forgive someone, and that forgiveness often comes a long time after the apology. For me, Yom Kippur is a time to let go of old grudges and hurt feelings - not a time to just now first start to apologize for something that happened months ago. It is a time to wipe the slate clean and start again - with God and with our friends and family. It is not a time to rehash petty arguments and silly disagreements. In order to forgive someone, you also need to love them.

On a tangental note, I woke up rather early yesterday morning and finished reading "The Five People You Meet In Heaven"...and cried. Understanding that I was over-tired and tears were coming more easily, I cried for the mistakes people make, the opportunities they have lost (or not realized they had), and that at the end of your life, you may not be happy with the way things turned out. I very much liked the premise of the story - that when you go to heaven, you meet five people who had an impact on your life, and they help make sense of your life for you.

This felt like a particularly relevant book for the Days of Awe for me because I think sometimes when you let someone into your life) you can know that they are one of those people who have changed your life, put you on a different direction, and would be someone who, if there really were five people you met in heaven, would be one of them. They understand a piece of you in a way that no one else does.

So...on this Yom Kippur, this Day of Atonement - which I prefer to read as "at-one-ment", it is those people who have helped shape me to be who I am, who I have hurt and who have hurt me, that I will thank in my prayers. I am grateful for the friends and family who have made me who I am today - and who have forgiven me even as I have hurt them. I am a better person because of them, and I strive to be the same for them.